Pain Was Not Proof God Abandoned Me

Pain was not proof that God abandoned me.

There was a time in my life where I believed pain meant I was being punished, forgotten, or left behind. But the older I get and the more I heal, the more I realize something important: pain is not always destruction. Sometimes pain is the doorway that moves us out of places, people, identities, and cycles that would have slowly destroyed our spirit if we stayed there forever.

I’ve learned that when we experience grief, trauma, heartbreak, fear, anxiety, or major life changes, we naturally cling harder to what feels familiar. Even when the familiar thing is hurting us.

Old relationships.

Old thought patterns.

Old survival modes.

Old versions of ourselves.

Sometimes we grip the past so tightly that we miss the beautiful opportunities, healing, growth, and lessons trying to enter our lives.

We cannot fully receive new blessings while our hands are still clenched around old pain.

Healing is uncomfortable. Spiritual growth is uncomfortable. Faith can feel uncomfortable too because sometimes we are asked to walk forward before we fully understand why certain doors had to close.

For a long time, I viewed myself only through survival mode. Through grief, hypervigilance, fear, trauma, and emotional exhaustion. But growth deserves to be acknowledged too.

Some of the things I once cried to God about are now parts of my everyday life. Not perfectly. Not without scars. But they’re here.

This post also sits heavily on my heart because while writing it, I reflected on old photos from a friend we never expected to lose. Moments like that remind me how fragile life truly is and how important it is to love people deeply while they are here.

If you are in a painful chapter of life right now, I hope you know this:

Pain does not automatically mean your life is falling apart.

Sometimes it means your life is trying to change.

Written by me as always,

Carly 🤍